


You've Always Got Me

by apostate (394percentdone)



Series: Songs of Rebellion [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-29 02:32:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17194841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/394percentdone/pseuds/apostate
Summary: The beating of a single heart is far quieter than the beating of two.





	You've Always Got Me

The beating of a single heart is far quieter than the beating of two. It doesn’t fill half as much silence and Solas always preferred the peace of silence. Or at least he tells himself such things. Things like the warmth of her hands between his is not missed, nor the smile in her eyes while she sits in comfortable silence while reading next to him. Things like how it is easier to think without constantly being distracted by the light playing across her skin. 

Things like how he had no choice but to break both their hearts in a grove by a waterfall.

It doesn’t matter now, it  _cannot_ matter now. Solas sits in his chair in the rotunda, sketchbook abandoned before him. Charcoal on his fingers. It has been near a month since he’d last seen her smile and he can no longer quite remember how it shows in her eyes. A handful of attempts before he’d given up with a tight chest, she deserves to be portrayed by hands more skilled than his anyway. 

Quiet footfalls giving him only a moments warning, just enough reach forward and snap his sketchbook shut. And then she’s standing there in front of him, hair a disheveled halo around her face. Still in the large shirts Solas knows she prefers to wear on nights when sleep evades her. It seems the silence of a single heart beating echoes within both their ears.

Or perhaps Solas is being wishful, melancholic. The bags under Idrilla’s eyes could have been put there by any number of reasons, the exhausted air she carries in her shoulders may be the weight of countless different responsibilities. 

For a long moment, neither of them speak. The candles on Solas’ desk flicker and Solas watches the flames spark tendrils of smoke to curl into the space between them. But Idrilla rocks forward onto the balls of her feet and takes one more step closer. Breaking the moment of silence and once more Solas tells himself he cannot care about this, about her. 

“We need to talk.” Even her voice is tired. A weight to her words carrying something soft and precious. Bright eyes dulled by a lack of sleep. 

Solas shakes his head quietly. “We already have.” It is both too late at night and too late after for this to be about anything else. He wishes he could lie, could tell her what she wants to hear if only to ease that weight in her voice, lift it from her shoulders. 

A frown pulling at Idrilla’s lips. She sighs and raises her hands as if she’s exasperated and talking with a stubborn child. “You talked. I only got to listen, but fine. If you’re going to be like this about it, then our roles are reversed.“ 

Steps forward once more and Solas can almost hear her heartbeat in the silence between her words. 

"If I truly thought you wanted this I wouldn’t bring it up. But I don’t think you do. You’ve been avoiding me, turning down going out on missions, holing yourself up all alone like you’ve got nothing better to do. And maybe that’s normal for you, it’s what you did when Wisdom died so I thought, I’ll just give you some space to let you figure things out.

"I won’t lie, I was, and still am, upset. But I thought both of us were because you never lie to me, and you said you couldn’t do this, us, anymore. I can respect that, Solas." 

Too big eyes softened by candlelight, a sheen to the air. Idrilla rolls her shoulders and pins him to the chair with the force of her gaze. The air in Solas’ lungs leaves him in a rush, catching him unaware and breathless.  _He did this_. 

"I could respect your decision if I thought you meant it. And for weeks I thought you did. But I don’t think so anymore because I think you’re just as hurt as I am. So I want an explanation, I need you to tell me,  _truthfully,_  that you want to walk away." 

There’s something fragile in the way Idrilla’s hands have come to wrap themselves around her as she spoke. Standing upright, shoulders square until they’re not and the fatigue in every line of her becomes the only thing Solas can see. He promised himself he wouldn’t lie, not to her. 

And here she is asking for the one truth he cannot give her.

So he lets his silence speak for him. Swallows the lump forming in his throat before he can choke on it. If he could go back, change and fix his mistakes before he could make them. If he could bring the smile back to her face. But he can’t. And he will not try.

Idrilla nods stiffly. "As I thought. Fine. I won’t ask again Solas but I have one more thing to say.” Takes one final step forward. Unravels her hands from around herself to cradle Solas face, bending so her nose is almost brushing his and the almost hiccup of Solas’ breath is ghosting across her lips. 

“You have always got me, vhenan. Always." 

She doesn’t kiss him, but Solas’ eyes fall shut anyways. Eyelashes leaving damp crescents against his cheeks. In the silence filled only by their breathing Solas can hear both of their hearts beating in time and he wishes he didn’t have to return to the quietness of a single one beating alone in silence.


End file.
